Clairity
by Kymanlover1
Summary: Kylie-B a famous musician left his home eight years ago due to a heart breaking discovery, now he's coming home for the first time since he left. Can he let go of the pain clouding his mind or will being home shatter him completely? Will the one he lost become the clarity he needs?
1. Chapter 1Mourning Star

**Chapter 1 Mourning Star**

Shouts echo through out the room as I sit there getting dressed another night, another town but it's always the same thing. I roll into another city fast asleep on the tour bus, wake up just a few hours before the show and go through a pratice run on stage then next thing I know its time for make up and to get dressed. Fans enter the stadiums in droves screaming, calling out for me to start the show and of course I give them what they want. Taking a deep breath I leave my change room and walk out on stage as the lights come on the cries of my adoring fans get louder and I sing for them, each night trying to not break down on stage. Over the last eight years nothing in my life is worth it anymore, nothings worth going on living for and yet here I am night after night pouring my heart out to strangers. foolish people who don't understand true pain, what it is like to truly lose everything that you cared for, to lose yourself in order to make others happy while you have to suffer silently. Frowning at my reflection in the mirror I finish the last of my preparations. "Well at least tonight will be the last night for a while." Sighing softly to myself I start walking over to my band and the cries get louder, thousands chanting my name over and over drowning out the last of my thoughts. Alex my drummer walks over to me and places a strong hand on my shoulder and looks at me with his coffee coloured eyes filled with worry and my heart skips a beat or two, those eyes they remind me so much of the demons from my past that I can't stand to look at them. " Kylie you feeling alright there girl, you look a little down and out and it's starting to freak us out babe." Alex whispers gently in my ear shaking me out of my thoughts.

My only reply is a simple smile and nod, what does he want me to say? I turn away from him and he gets the message "alright Kylie I understand, but trust me Missy after the show we are having a chat. No way of getting out of it tonight." He goes back to his drums and crosses his arms in frustration and I roll my eyes in annoyance as the curtains open to bring us in front of thousands of people cheering wildly. Taking a deep breath I step towards the microphone and shout into it "What's up Denver are we having a good night tonight?" The crowd goes wild in response to my question and I set up my first song Blank Space. I start to sing and stare out into the never ending sea of people searching for him, I don't expect to see him but it is worth the try. The man who broke my heart all those years ago, naturally I don't see him anywhere and my heart starts to hurt.

The concert continues for a about another hour and I try to hide my disappointment. Finishing my final song for the evening I frown and walk towards the edge of the stage. "Thank you everyone for coming out tonight you've been a wonderful crowd, this is going to be my last concert for a while. Don't worry I'll be back with more songs for you guys soon, have a good night Denver Colorado!" I yell into the mic then retreat behind stage and into my dressing room with Alex not far behind me. 'Shit how could I forget that he wanted to talk to me, better get this over with.' Alex sits down on the couch not far from me and gazes into my green eyes as if to ask me what is going on, and I finally break down. "He didn't show Alex, that fucking fat ass bastard didn't even show up. I honestly thought that he would have been here tonight, I hoped that he didn't forget about me after eight years but silly little Kylie was wrong again. Why, why do I continue to let myself get hurt by him when he hasn't even been in my life for the last eight fucking years WHY?" I pick up a vase of roses and throw it hard against the wall before I fall to my knees crying hysterically. "God damn it Ky just forget about that ass, all he's ever done is hurt you. Why are you still hung up on him like that, girl you know that you can do better then him. Hell what are you going to do when you go home and you happen to run into him some place? South park isn't exactly a big city ya know, your bound to meet up with him some time." He crosses his arms and glares at me knowing that he's got a valid point but I just look away and silently ask him to leave and go back to his family in Detroit. "Ky I just don't like seeing you so upset, keep in touch ok baby girl?" He questions me as he pulls me up to give me a hug good bye before exiting my room and I release my breath that I didn't realize that I had been holding. "Good bye Alex." I whisper softly to no one in particular and begin getting into my street clothes.

After getting ready to go I look in my mirror for the last time shaking my head gently 'I need a fucking haircut bad, stupid record company and their stupid rules. I'm a dude for crying out loud, why do I have to pretend to be a chick all the time? Hell even my band mates have no idea about my true gender!' I'm soon startled out of my thoughts by a persistent banging at my door causing me to groan. "Who is it and what do you want? I'm kind of busy here so make it quick." I snap at the person just behind the door hoping that they would go away but as usual luck was never on my side. An annoying deep voice travels through the door trying their best to sound civilized. "Hello Kylie I'm a reporter with the South Park Post, I would like to ask you a few questions." My heart starts to hammer in my chest, that voice was unmistakable even after all of these years I still remember it. I slowly reach for the door handle praying that I was wrong, that it was all just a stupid dream and I would wake up on the tour bus. Unfortunately this was no dream and I knew that deep down inside, as I opened the door my suspicions were proven to be correct and the object of my dread stood just outside my door smiling just like when we were kids. "Hello Kahl."

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2 Starstruck

**Chapter 2 Starstruck**

I stand there in shock just staring at him, he hasn't changed a bit even after so long he's still husky with the same haircut neatly parted and swept to the right side. His cheeky grin and red jacket with brown slacks were ever present. Slowly my look of shock melted away and anger took over, I grab the edge of the door and glare at him intensely. "What the hell are you doing here fat ass, your the last person I wanted to see today." His grin widens and I resist the urge to punch him right in the face, God he just pissed me off so much. "Well Kahl I came to get an interview for the paper and to drive your jew ass home, Stan couldn't make it so he asked meh to do it instead. Isn't it your lucky day?" he asks totally ignoring the dirty looks that I shot him, curse you Stan Marsh some super best friend you turned out to be. "Fuck off Cartman, I don't have time for your shit. I've had a long day, fuck because of you I've had a long eight years." I slam the door in his face and turn away not willing to face him just yet, Stan should have known better than to have sent him here after what he did to me, what he's done to me through out my whole life. Memories of my childhood flood my mind, thousands of them of countless years of teasing, abuse and crazy schemes that almost never worked.

"Kahl listen it's just one ride, it's not going to kill you to go with me." Cartman Shouts through the door hoping that I would walk out and that everything would be ok, god he pisses me off so much. I begin to weigh my options on either opening the door and going with him or just staying here and giving Ike a call to come and get me. "Come on Kahl I don't have all night, get the sand out of your vagina and let's go already." After he finishes saying this I violently swing the door open and yell back that I don't have sand in my vagina, I can't believe that he's still using that old insult what are we eight? Before I can say or do anything further Cartman picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, he makes his way across the room and picks up my bags while I kick my legs trying to break free. A few minutes later we are outside and standing in front of his car, Cartman tosses my bags into the trunk and tells me to get in the car before he stuffs me in the trunk and takes me home that way. I open the door and turn towards him to flip the bastard off before getting in, for a moment I could have sworn that I saw a flash of hurt in his eyes. When he finally gets into the car I turn towards the window and rest my hand on my cheek, we make the drive home in complete silence with not even the radio playing. 'No music that's so unlike fat ass, he hasn't even attempted to talk to me this whole time. What the fuck is he up to now, what crazy schemes is he coming up with to make my life a living hell all over again. Hasn't he done enough to ruin me, hasn't he caused me enough heartache?' I turn my head towards him and notice that he's completely lost in his own thoughts as well, my heart skips a beat when he bites down onto his lip like he had done a thousand times before when we were still together.

Nothing else really happened for the rest of the night, he eventually just dropped me off at home before driving off with out a single word, not that I was surprised by that. Slowly I made my way into the house and up the stairs to my old room, I smile softly as I look around taking in the familiar surroundings of my childhood home before collapsing on my bed and falling asleep. The next day I wake up to my mother knocking on my door and telling me that my friends were here to see, clearly excited to see Stan and Kenny I jump out of bed and run down stairs to greet them. Naturally luck wouldn't be on my side and standing there with them was Eric and Butters, I didn't really mind that Butters was there but Cartman was a whole other story. Stan is the first one to walk up and give me a hug, Kenny followed suit and then started laughing hysterically when he realized that I was wearing girl clothes as well as the fact that I had long hair and boobs. "Kyle dude when the fuck did that happen, I always knew that you were gay but seriously when did you get a fucking sex change? Not that I mind of course." Kenny exclaimed and wiggled his eye brows suggestively at me, I laughed and rolled my eyes. It was nice to see that not much had changed while I was gone, Stan had gotten married to Wendy and Kenny still chased anything that had a skirt. What really caught me off guard was when Stan told me that Eric had stayed single after I left, hell even Butters had gotten married to Bebe Stevens. Why didn't he move on after I left him, especially after what I discovered on that fateful day.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

A few weeks had passed by since I had returned home, not a whole lot had changed in the last few weeks for me. Cartman for the most part hasn't come around me at all except for a few run ins in town, he usually turns the opposite direction and walks away like he's avoiding me. The worst part is that it bothers me when he does it, I know it's wrong but my heart hurts everytime and I feel like I can't breathe. Stan thinks I should talk to him about what happened eight years ago regarding our break up, needless to say I told him that he had no reason to forgive that fatass. Everyone acts like they have to walk on egg shells when it comes to talking about him around me. Always speaking in hushed tones and shutting up everytime I walk into the room. They must think I'm stupid or blind, I know exactly who and what they are talking about everytime. After all we are south parks biggest scandal even if it has been eight long years. Hell my whole life has been nothing but one big scandal after the next, and when I say my whole life I mean it. Even when I was born it became a scandal in my family, my mother was ashamed of what I was, what I am. It's not my fault, I never asked for any of this.

My thoughts are halted as Stan enters my room and quietly shuts the door. "Dude ever heard of knocking before entering another persons room, I could have been changing you know." He stares at me for a moment and sighs "look kyle it's nothing I haven't seen a million times before, but seriously man we have to talk. You and Eric really need to quit avoiding each other Kyle, it's been nearly a decade since you ran away. Don't you think it's about time that you put this bullshit behind you and start over?" He looks down at me slightly annoyed and I snort softly in disgust. "Stan how could you honestly sit there and tell me what to do about this, what he did I can never forgive him for. He hurt me bad Stan you of all people should know that, I seriously got fucked over by that fat ass. Like usual he gets to walk away from this like nothing happened with no reprocussions, I had to pick up the pieces. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT FAIR?!" I yell at Stan gripping my hair out of frustration a habit that I picked up after growing it out.

"Kyle I never said that it was fair, but you did just ran off with out even trying to fix it. Look there's more to what happened than you know about, you say that he got away with no reprocussions but that's not the case. He had pieces that he had to pick up after you left, you never bothered to say anything to anyone you just fucking skipped town." He inches closer to me scowling and balling up his fists. "Just give it a God damn chance Kyle, you let him in before what makes you think that you can't again. Granted what you think he did was the worst out of everything he has pulled in our lifetime, he still loves you Kyle. That hasn't changed, after all this time he still hasn't moved on and neither have you." He leaves me there sitting on my floor as he slams the door, I think about what he said and drop my head in defeat. 'I guess calling him for a quick coffee wouldn't hurt me to bad.

... to be continued

Sorry for the delay on chapter three everyone, please enjoy.


	4. Chapter 4

I grab my phone off of my desk and dial Cartmans house phone, it rings twice and his mother picks up. "Hello Cartman residence." I smile she was always a sweet lady, even though she was the towns slut. "Hey Mrs. Cartman, is Eric home? It's Kyle." I wait a moment for her to respond before another voice comes on the line. "Hi Kahl, what do you want you jew?" He sounds tired and depressed over the phone and I frown, maybe Stan was right about him being depressed after I left town. Maybe I did hurt him like he hurt me. "Um E..Eric I was wondering if you were going to be busy later at all? I was going to head down to Tweeks coffee shop and I thought you and I could maybe clear the air. I understand if you don't want to." God I sounded like a shy and desperate girl asking a guy out for the first time! "Oh that's what this is all about huh, you just want to open up the old wounds. Make fun of the fat boy some more, we'll it's not going to work Kahl not this time you sneaky little jew rat."

"No Eric I want to face the music of what happened eight years ago, I want to know why you did what you did. Please just come there at two and we will sort this out alright?" I ask quietly into the phone as I swallow my pride once again for the enigma that is Eric Theodore Cartman. "Well Kyle I guess we will see if I show at two." He hangs up the phone, I get up and walk down the stairs to watch some TV.

Two o clock finally rolls around and I'm standing in front of Tweeks bros coffee shop waiting for him, I shove my hands into my jacket pocket and look down. I don't know why but I'm afraid of what's about to happen, to know why he did what he did. I'm soon lost I'm my own thoughts and don't even notice Eric walking up to me. "Hey jew rat let's get this over with."

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the really late update everyone, life has been pretty hectic lately. I have recently moved and had no internet for a while, thankfully the break gave me lots of time to write and I have a few chapters done and ready to be posted. I plan to have them all uploaded by the end of next month.

~Kymanlover1~

We ordered our coffee and sat at the most secluded table in the building and say nothing for a few minutes. I can't bring myself to look at him not after everything that we've been through, I'm afraid of what he's about to say but I know now that I need closure. Eight years is a long time to hold a grudge on someone even if that person is Eric Cartman, I know that he's screwed up and done some pretty horrible things in the past but I still love him despite all of that. "Well what do you want t to know so god damn bad Jew? Want to laugh at the fat boy and rub it in that you finally got your pay back, rip on him for being so stupid. Why Kahl why did you leave South Park, you never told anyone where you were going or why. Before I tell you anything I need to know your side to this whole fucked up situation." I sigh softly and finally look up at him, his eyes are down cast and he look like he hasn't slept in weeks.

"Eric, you really want to know so badly why I left, you should know already. You asked me to be there at Starks pond that day, I was there I saw everything. I saw you and Wendy sitting there and you asking her to marry you! I can't believe that you have the audacity to ask me why I left when you asked her to be your wife. You cheated on me, Eric it killed me to find that out the way I did." My voice rises towards the end and I find myself crying while tearing open the old wounds. Cartman Just stares blankly at me for a second before shaking his head and placing them in his hands. "Kyle I want you to listen to me very carefully, I don't want you to interrupt me at all just let me finish my piece." I slowly nod and wait for him to continue. "Alright well this is what really happened Kyle….

*Flash back 8 years ago*

Eric had been planning it for weeks everything was perfect, he had made sure to ask Kyle to be at Starks pond for six o clock. After he had set everything up Wendy came over to help him with the final touches that would make this night memorable. Eric smiled softly to himself proud of his accomplishment and sat on the blanket that he had carefully laid out on the ground, he flagged Wendy over to him and she sits down. "Thanks Wendy for the help today, I just need a little bit of assistance with the final part." Eric blushes softly and Wendy nods gently understanding fully what he needed an extra hand with.

Now a few moments later Kyle showed up fifteen minutes early not wanting to be late and find out what Eric had planned for them. He eagerly walked closer and suddenly stopped in his tracks. Wendy and Eric were sitting together very closely and it looked like Eric was trying very hard to talk to her about something but just couldn't say it. "I wonder what's going on here, I suppose I could just stand here and wait it out then go see him." Kyle whispered softly to himself and watched them from his sheltered sanctuary in the bushes. "Okay here we go, I have known you for many years now and I know that we didn't have the greatest start. I ripped in you a lot for many different reasons but I soon found it hard to not think about you every day and eventually fall in love with you. I know that nothing can ever change the past, that what happened between us wasn't always the greatest experience and I proved time and time again that I was an ass. I hope that you can look past that now, maybe even forgive me for my past transgressions. The truth has always been that I loved you and it scared me at first, but eventually we got together and you made my life so much better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you and will you marry me? Is that okay?" Eric asks while looking at Wendy nervously before she smiles softly and whispers yes.

Kyle's heart broke right there, who knew that Eric and Wendy had a secret relationship. After all that time Eric had been going behind his back with Wendy and now they were going to get married, he felt like he couldn't breathe and ran as fast as he could back to his house. Meanwhile back at Starks pond Eric sat there waiting for Kyle to show up he had sent Wendy home to go be with her boyfriend Stan. He kept glancing down at his watch minutes soon turning to hours, eventually he gave up and went home for the evening his heart shattering with every step. All that hard work ended up being for nothing, he was going to ask Kyle to marry him and he stood him up. The next morning Kyle had skipped town without so much as a good bye let alone an explanation.

*End flashback*

"So you see Kyle I wasn't asking her to marry me, I was asking her if the speech I had in mind sounded like it was any good or not. I could never marry a hippie, especially being I was already crazy about you. I understand why you never came and talked to me about it looking back and finally learning why you left South Park in the first place." I find that I can't say anything and I just stare at him in complete and utter shock, he was going to ask me to marry him not Wendy and I just happened to walk in at the wrong time. I can't believe it, I refuse to believe it from where I was sitting it sure didn't look that way. "Eric your lying there's no way that is what happened; it didn't look like a case of right place wrong time to me. As a matter of fact it looked really convincing that you were asking her not practicing." I glare at him to prove my point and go to leave.

"Kyle please don't go, I wouldn't lie to you not about this. You have meant the world to me ever since we were eight, I've already lost you once and I can't lose you again." He latches onto my sleeve and looks into my eyes; I don't see an ounce of a lie in his eyes there's nothing but desperation, fear and honesty shining in them. My heart races and my head swims, suddenly I can't breathe and I do the one thing that feels right to me; I ran.

To be continued…


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